Forrest Gump was wrong. Life is not like a box of chocolates. Life is a roller coaster.
I’ve frequently turned to the written word for therapy, to help me process an overwhelming experience or deal with overwhelming emotions, good or bad. But it has been a while, and that is ironic considering I’m going through the most overwhelming experience of my life.
But first, the down-and-dirty details.
If you know my husband or me well, you know what we’ve been going through lately. We have been trying to have a baby for about two years now, but I have a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), a VERY common female infertility problem that can be tackled a number of ways. Well, we’ve tried many of those ways, and at the beginning of this year we broke down and started seeing a fertility specialist. I also have been undergoing regular acupuncture treatment and met with a naturopathic doctor to overhaul my diet in relation to my condition.
After completing a round of treatment involving daily hormone injections and artificial insemination, I got pregnant. But it was not meant to be. The embryo stopped developing at 5 ½ weeks, and I recently miscarried.
This blog is my therapy. It is extremely personal and could be too much information in some cases for some (you are forewarned), but it is my outlet. And it is also my hope that if there is someone else out there going through something similar, it can be a reminder that you are not alone no matter how isolated you feel. Believe me, I’ve been there.
I have been praying for you both that the lord would bless your family with a healthy baby however that may be. Your love is of great value and deserving to be shared. Today is National day of Prayer and I will be sure to pray for ur struggles and happiness. I hope this blog bring you relief of your aggression and frustration and in Exchange fills your heart with understanding, friendship with fellow peers and hope. Much love.
ReplyDeleteHi Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog and wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for your struggles to have a baby. I am in a similar yet oh-so-different situation. I have Congenital Myasthenic Syndrom, a form of muscular dystrophy that makes carrying a child not only dangerous for myself, but for a developing baby, as it is a muscle-weakening genetic disorder. I am able to have children, but the thought of being pregnant terrifies me because there is a very good chance that it would be detrimental to my health. And while I live a very "normal" life, having CMS is challenging and often life-threatening and I'm not sure I want to risk passing it on to my children.
Josh and I are not ready to have kids, but it's something I think about a lot because when we're ready it won't be as easy as deciding to have a baby and getting pregnant. At this point, adoption is probably our option.
I know that I want to be a mother someday, and so this is hard for me. I look very much like my parents and siblings and I love that others can see the resemblance. I want strangers to exclaim "oh, she has your nose, Kelly!" or "his eyes are so blue like Josh's."
However, I know that I will be a mother someday even if the baby is not biologically mine, and I will love that baby with all of my heart. And if adoption is the route we have to go, I take a lot of comfort knowing that I will be responsible for giving a child two parents who love them very much.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I am here to support you 100%. I think it's great that you started this blog, and I encourage you to keep it up! I started a similar blog - it's about the physical challenges of having CMS, and I really enjoy writing it. I guess it's the Mass Comm majors in us, huh?
-Kelly
Hi Kelly,
DeleteIt's great to hear from you, despite the circumstances. :) I am sorry to hear you are facing your own challenges. It's a tough thing to come to that realization that it will not be an easy or "typical" road to parenthood. All I can say is that I am encouraged that despite the difficultly we've had and the long road I still know I will be a mother and will have a beautiful family, by whatever means that is.
We believe very much in the route of adoption to realizing a family. I have a good friend who decided to pursue that option after going through something similar to us, and their family is certainly an inspiration. I feel very strongly that we will end up adopting a child, whether it be our first or second, someday in completing our family.
I wish you and Josh every bit of luck, and I hope your road is as smooth as possible. Just never give up fighting, and if you ever need an empathetic ear, I would be more than happy to lend it.
This blog has opened up so many lines of communication for me, and it's been a very freeing experience. I would love to read your blog. I will go find it right now! And yes, it has to be the Mass Comm. :)